I had no idea

That Anderson Cooper's mom is Gloria Vanderbilt.

Did you?

Neighbors

Along with my bitter old-lady and HOA clipboard Nazi neighbors, I apparently have a new breed of BDA (Big Dumb Animal--you'll understand this name in a moment) neighbor.

Last night was nice and cool, so I left my front door open (but locked the screen, for those of you who are safety-concious).

At around 9:30, I heard barking dogs and raised voices. Apparently one neighbor (not the BDA) walked his dog by the door of the second neighbor's house, exciting their four highly excitable dogs (these dogs will go batshit over a butterfly or a kleenex; it doesn't take much).

The non-BDA went to the front door to apologize for upsetting the dogs.

The BDA went on attack.

YOUR DOG IS PROVOKING MY DOGS, MAN!


I know; that's why I came by to apologize. 


OH, IS THAT WHAT THIS IS???


Yes, I'm apologizing. 


DON'T EVER LET YOUR DOG DO THIS AGAIN. 


Ok, I'm sorry. 


YOU'RE SORRY? 


Yes. 


THAT'S IT! I'M STEPPIN OUT OF THIS HOUSE!

[At this point, BDA's girlfriend stepped in and calmed folks down. The normal guy quickly moved on, which made me happy; I didn't want to have to call the police.]

And then BDA did what earned him his name: He threw his head back and let out a ridiculous roar.

Yep.

And then he closed the door and I could still hear him doing it.

And then he came outside amd paced in front of the house, growling. Like a--you guessed it--Big. Dumb. Animal.

Sigh.

WTF is wrong with people?

This will always happen at a concert

At the point in the show when they play The Song. The ICan'tBelieveHe'sActuallyPlayingThis song. The song you've waited years (and all night) to hear live....

Some jackass (a stranger or someone in your own party--but definitely within earshot) will start yammering and nattering away as loudly as they possibly can, all but ruining it for you.

Sigh.

Makes me feel better every morning

Each morning while I'm putting on makeup, I make the ugliest/weirdest face possible and hold it until it makes me smile. It has a four-pronged effect:

1. It helps me not take myself so seriously
2. It makes me appreciate the face I have when it goes back to normal
3. Those flaws that were sooooo obvious earlier become a little harder to see
4. It's just funny

I highly suggest trying this.

It's an odd point of pride

But a point of pride nonetheless.

I've never dated a fella who's owned a Jagermeister T-shirt.

Something I'll bet you didn't know

For the first few years of his life, Ernest Hemingway's mother dressed him as a girl.

She was a nutter who wanted twin girls. She had his elder sister first. And when Ernest was born, she was disappointed that he was a boy. She often dressed brother and sister in matching dresses and hats and called him Ernestine.

Is it any wonder he grew up to be an alpha male with women issues?

Who do you see?

Last night, Beau and I took lots of pictures of fireworks (not firecrackers, dummy) because we're one of those ridiculous iPhone couples who compete with each other for the best photo.

This was one of mine. It's not a good photo, but there's totally a face in it (the white fogginess in the upper left corner). It's a hipstamatic photo, so I don't think anybody was trying to contact me from the great beyond. It's just an interesting shot.

I think it looks like Rosanna Rosannadanna.

Beau thinks it looks like Andre the Giant.

What do you think?

Coworker stops by my desk and says...

I had to go to the vet. Wanna know why? 

Me: Why?

Coworker: [flexes his arms] BECAUSE THESE PUPPIES ARE SICK! [Kisses bicep and walks off]

I love working here. :)

4th of July memory

When I was a little girl, we drove down to Castle Rock, Colorado, on the 4th to watch the show.

There was a big pile of gravel, and lots of little kids were playing in it.

As the sun started to go down and my mom waved for me to come back, I hollered at my brother Mike, hurry up! The firecrackers are about to start! 

At that point, this snotty boy (older than me) approached. They're fireWORKS, not fireCRACKERS, dummy, he spat.


Over 30 years later, I still wanna smack that kid. :)

This video will make you happy

Happy Friday!