Friday, January 13, 2012
As sane and delightful as I'm sure he is...
I don't think I'll be consulting James B. Nutter for mortgage advice any time soon. :)
yeahyeahyeah
While they're adorable in The Beatles' "She Loves You (yeah yeah yeah)", those three little words have gotten under my skin lately.
You see, I've spent a lot of time explaining things to a Millennial.
And Millennials already know everything.
So you can see how exasperating this situation might be for the two of us.
But the worst part is that in the midst of my explanation, I repeatedly get interrupted with YEAHYEAHYEAH (all one word), which I take to mean, I get it, move on, old woman.
Only he doesn't get it, which is why I'm forced to explain it. Again and again.
It's driving me fucking nuts.
Next time I get YEAHYEAHYEAH, I'm stopping and starting over, because it means he's not listening. And I'll start over as many times as it takes for me to be able to finish.
In other words, we'll be at it all day.
Oh yeahyeahyeah!
You see, I've spent a lot of time explaining things to a Millennial.
And Millennials already know everything.
So you can see how exasperating this situation might be for the two of us.
But the worst part is that in the midst of my explanation, I repeatedly get interrupted with YEAHYEAHYEAH (all one word), which I take to mean, I get it, move on, old woman.
Only he doesn't get it, which is why I'm forced to explain it. Again and again.
It's driving me fucking nuts.
Next time I get YEAHYEAHYEAH, I'm stopping and starting over, because it means he's not listening. And I'll start over as many times as it takes for me to be able to finish.
In other words, we'll be at it all day.
Oh yeahyeahyeah!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Annual pickup line
You can use this. But you'll probably have to wait until next year (provided it all doesn't end for us on 12/21/12).
At any point after midnight on New Year's Day, turn to the one you love, look deep into their eyes, sigh, and exclaim I haven't had sex all year.
I'm not saying I've used this, but I MIGHT have heard it once or twice.
If nothing else, you'll get a good laugh from it. :)
At any point after midnight on New Year's Day, turn to the one you love, look deep into their eyes, sigh, and exclaim I haven't had sex all year.
I'm not saying I've used this, but I MIGHT have heard it once or twice.
If nothing else, you'll get a good laugh from it. :)
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Dear creepy guy
Having worked with you for years, I know this is hardly out of character for you.
But it was still skeevy when you wished my boobs a happy new year last week.
But it was still skeevy when you wished my boobs a happy new year last week.
Monday, January 9, 2012
The 2011 Grandma Christmas story
It was a lovely Christmas.
Everybody was happy and generous and we all got along.
And my grandparents grow ever fonder of Beau (and, really, how could they not?). On Christmas day, Grandma brought pears for everybody, including "one for the boy."
Grandpa is a tougher nut to crack. He's rather shy and he doesn't open up to new folks (even though Beau isn't new at this point, Grandpa is on a different timeline).
This year, Grandpa opened up and started telling stories. And Grandpa's stories are usually about one thing: WWII. But his stories are GREAT. He met General Doolittle and he served with a member of the Kennedy Clan (not one of the more recognizable names, but still) and he served out in the jungle, where gurkhas guarded the camps at night. Tons of great, great stories.
And I'm glad that Beau got to hear them.
Grandma, who's heard them all a million times, was a little less enthused, because he doesn't tell any stories that include her.
When Grandpa finished his story, Grandma uttered one classic phrase (which ranks up there with Grandmas don't wear fuzzy socks, so let's just forget it!):
AND THEN HE MARRIED ME AND NOTHING EVER HAPPENED AGAIN, THE END.
Thanks for another gem, Grandma. It's just not Christmas without them. :)
Everybody was happy and generous and we all got along.
And my grandparents grow ever fonder of Beau (and, really, how could they not?). On Christmas day, Grandma brought pears for everybody, including "one for the boy."
Grandpa is a tougher nut to crack. He's rather shy and he doesn't open up to new folks (even though Beau isn't new at this point, Grandpa is on a different timeline).
This year, Grandpa opened up and started telling stories. And Grandpa's stories are usually about one thing: WWII. But his stories are GREAT. He met General Doolittle and he served with a member of the Kennedy Clan (not one of the more recognizable names, but still) and he served out in the jungle, where gurkhas guarded the camps at night. Tons of great, great stories.
And I'm glad that Beau got to hear them.
Grandma, who's heard them all a million times, was a little less enthused, because he doesn't tell any stories that include her.
When Grandpa finished his story, Grandma uttered one classic phrase (which ranks up there with Grandmas don't wear fuzzy socks, so let's just forget it!):
AND THEN HE MARRIED ME AND NOTHING EVER HAPPENED AGAIN, THE END.
Thanks for another gem, Grandma. It's just not Christmas without them. :)
Friday, January 6, 2012
Depressing scene
It's always nice to see a healthy selection of bikinis when you're lugging around a few extra holiday pounds.
Damn you, Target.
Damn you, Target.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
This won't help you lose holiday weight...
But it will make you look thinner.
Straighten up your posture. It really does at least give the illusion that you've lost a few.
Stand in front of the mirror and try it. You'll surprise yourself.
I like to practice my straight posture while eating cookies over the sink.
Straighten up your posture. It really does at least give the illusion that you've lost a few.
Stand in front of the mirror and try it. You'll surprise yourself.
I like to practice my straight posture while eating cookies over the sink.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Antique mall, I love you
On NYE afternoon, Beau and I went to a huge antique mall on my side of town.
It was a bonanza of good finds.
I went home with a ceramic kitty cat that looks awesome in my bathroom.
Beau took home Gumby AND his jeep.
And then there were the dolls. The deliciously creepy, creepy dolls!
It was a bonanza of good finds.
I went home with a ceramic kitty cat that looks awesome in my bathroom.
Beau took home Gumby AND his jeep.
And then there were the dolls. The deliciously creepy, creepy dolls!
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| They say eyes are the windows to the soul... |
 |
| Mona Lisa smiled like this... before she ate DaVinci's still-beating heart. |
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| Look into my eyes... you WILL buy me that flapper dress. |
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| Open up and say AHHHHHHH! |
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| I ate Toto with some fava beans and a nice chianti. |
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| These freckles are the last thing you'll see before YOU DIE. |
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| The Great Pumpkin Massacre. |
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| I loved my mommy to death. |
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| BOOOOOOOOO! |
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| The world's most disgruntled elf. |
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| BRAAAAAAAAIIIINNNNNS! |
Monday, January 2, 2012
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