Post-relationship irritation in the digital age

First of all, some things about being an adult are just bullshit.

Prime example: showing how grown up we all are by being friends with our exes on every freaking social networking site.

Acrimonious ending over EIGHT YEARS ago? Why don't we seal the deal and show everybody just how awesome we are by being friends on Facebook. And LinkedIn. And Goodreads. And Pinterest. We'll show the world, by God!

And even if you aren't the one who initiates all of this buddy-buddy bullshit, if you don't respond in kind, you. are. the. asshole.

Sigh.

And I honestly don't care if an ex knows what I'm reading or sees my commentary on what I ate for lunch. I just don't see why it's necessary.

Am I alone in this? 

Methinks maturity is overrated sometimes.

Another shot I don't want

Years ago, I rummaged through Beau's office mini fridge and stumbled onto something disturbing.

It was a sperm-shaped bottle of milky-white fluid.

I cautiously asked him about it and he said Oh, that's some vanilla liqueur shot they gave out at a trade show once. 

Want it? 

Um, no. Nooooooooooo!

Little Krugy is made in Germany and is "the true adult beverage."

What it is... is gross.

Nobody with an ounce of self-esteem should ever be caught "drinking" one of these. 

Ever.

*shudder*

Haiku of the day

Thomas Kinkade passed
Self-proclaimed Painter of Light
I wasn't a fan

Grandma's Easter message

To my mother upon seeing her on Easter morning:

"You could have colored your hair." 

Hello, snowy-white kettle! This is the pot!

Sigh.

Hope you had a Happy Easter, all!

I love happy news

My friend Erica gave birth to a healthy baby boy on Thursday evening. His name is Jack and he's beautiful!

Congratulations, Erica and Dwight! Jack is a lucky, lucky boy!!

Drugstore beauty

More beauty products you can't live without!

First, I found this Lip Gloss To Go. How convenient!

But here's the thing about lip gloss. It's ALL portable. Nobody has permanent lip gloss installed in their home.

Or do they?

Then I came across this lovely shade of nail color.

I don't remember the name of the shade, but it wasn't Milkshake Glitter Puke.

Shouldabeen.

And last, we have a marvel of beauty science!

Magnetic nail polish!

Because this is what we need rather than cures for diseases. 

The worst thing anybody's ever seen in a bank. EVER.

I had dinner with my folks last night.

I told them I'd been to the bank earlier in the day and was irritated to, yet again, see pajama pants on two bank patrons.

Mom waited until we were done eating to tell us the worst thing she'd ever seen at the bank.

It was years ago, when we lived in a college town. Mom was waiting in line behind a girl wearing a skirt.

Something fell on the ground.

She looked down and saw that the girl's maxi pad had fallen out of her skirt.

The girl looked down, horrified.

And then... she simply stepped over it and walked away as if it wasn't hers!

Mom wins, hands down, for the most disgusting thing ever witnessed in a bank.

I guess I shouldn't get too upset about pajama pants, huh?

Who's doin' shots?

I've apparently been living under a rock.

I didn't know there was a shot called a duck fart.

I also didn't realize that there are duck fart variations.

There is also a moose fart.

Depressing.

Talkin' Sinatra with Mom

Many years ago, I had a Sinatra tape (yep, I said TAPE) in my car as I was driving around town with my mom.

The Lady Is a Tramp was on.

She gets too hungry for dinner at eight
She like the theater and never comes late
She never bothers with people she hates
That's why the lady is a tramp

Mom hummed along for a bit.

Then she piped up I don't bother with people I hate either.

Well Mom, I replied, that's why you're a tramp! 


:D

Spring has sprung

Everywhere but at my Mean Old Lady Neighbor's (MOLN) house.

Every day, I walk by this cheerful reminder that Christmas is just a scant nine months away.

I want to rip it down, stomp on it, and feed it to a wood chipper.

Happy holidays, everyone!!!