Thursday, April 25, 2013
Cinematic revenge
Last Saturday, Beau came over after a rough morning at home (no need for details; needless to say, it had something to do with his ass-hat renter).
So I let him pick what we did that afternoon.
He wanted to see the Evil Dead remake.
And, while I don't mind most horror movies/thrillers and I LOVE zombie movies (a fact that, I'm sure, comes as a shock to you), I hate devil movies.
And I hate gore for the sake of gore.
It was the worst movie I've seen since Oprah brought Beloved to the silver screen. The only thing Evil Dead had over Beloved was that Evil Dead was only TWO hours of my life I'll never get back.
Chainsaws, raining blood, two self-inflicted amputations... it went on and on.
About midway through, I turned to Beau and said I don't think I love you anymore.
It was that bad.
When we got home that evening, I went through the netflix movies I had (yes, I still cling to the DVDs) in an effort to make him watch something for revenge. The Magnificent Ambersons? No. It's directed by Orson Welles. Waaaaay too good for this situation. Woody Allen? Nope, he might like that.
I leave this decision up to you, folks. What should I make him watch? (Caveat: I have to enjoy watching the movie too. It's not enough that he doesn't like it.)
Let me know in the comments, please (you can leave an anonymous comment--I don't need your name).
Dammit. If only they'd made a movie based on Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret.
So I let him pick what we did that afternoon.
He wanted to see the Evil Dead remake.
And, while I don't mind most horror movies/thrillers and I LOVE zombie movies (a fact that, I'm sure, comes as a shock to you), I hate devil movies.
And I hate gore for the sake of gore.
It was the worst movie I've seen since Oprah brought Beloved to the silver screen. The only thing Evil Dead had over Beloved was that Evil Dead was only TWO hours of my life I'll never get back.
Chainsaws, raining blood, two self-inflicted amputations... it went on and on.
About midway through, I turned to Beau and said I don't think I love you anymore.
It was that bad.
When we got home that evening, I went through the netflix movies I had (yes, I still cling to the DVDs) in an effort to make him watch something for revenge. The Magnificent Ambersons? No. It's directed by Orson Welles. Waaaaay too good for this situation. Woody Allen? Nope, he might like that.
I leave this decision up to you, folks. What should I make him watch? (Caveat: I have to enjoy watching the movie too. It's not enough that he doesn't like it.)
Let me know in the comments, please (you can leave an anonymous comment--I don't need your name).
Dammit. If only they'd made a movie based on Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Too many fellas beating down your door?
Perhaps you should call this company.
Along with all of these other handy tasks, they will also DETER GENTS for you.
:)
Along with all of these other handy tasks, they will also DETER GENTS for you.
:)
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Maybe my English is a little rusty
Because I have no idea how to creale anything, much less magic time.
Monday, April 22, 2013
The dumbest thing that made me happy last week.
On Thursday, I wore my little owl necklace.
I was delighted to discover that it nods when I do.
I was delighted to discover that it nods when I do.
Friday, April 19, 2013
The future of our country
You might expect this to be a commentary about those two assholes in Boston. It's not. They don't deserve any more coverage than they've already gotten.
Nope. This is a window into someone else's world.
My friend Jamie occasionally gets emails from strangers who think she's someone else.
This is the latest.
Two things of note:
1. Hooked on Phonics does not work for everybody
2. Nobody this brilliant should be behind the wheel of a '65 Nova
Enjoy!!!
HEY! We haven't talked in such a long time! I miss you! are you still doing your audition for the X-Factor? Cuz its in like may and thats not that far away! OMG if you are im so excited for you! So, I was talking to this boy but he got a girlfriend! can you believe that!! I was like: wtf! I would have been happier if he was gay! lol. so life has been really crazy lately! i decided not to graduate early, and then i was llike, mom should just home school m e. but mom doesn't want to and i dont want to come to school! also im not taking any pre ap or ap classes next year. im just gonna focus as much time as i can on Art. i'm doing a project to get in to pre ap art. Im excited about it, but at the same time im kinda scared. like what if im not good enough? any way. im taking drivers ed! OMG! YAY! the only sad part is it's over in a week and theres this super cute kid who sits infront of me. but like, when am i ever going to see him again? its not like hell want to talk to me in the hallway. :( So whatever again. in speech we did this thing were you write the persons name by the thing that describes them best based off of nonverbal communication. one girl put my name under Frequently Infatuated. -.- i guess shes wright. I mean, how many boys have i talked about in one email? two so far! and im not done, yet.
there's another boy that is in speech (ok theres two, but one's a junior, so that's obviously never going to happen) And he is like drooling on me EVERY DAY! would you believe me if i told you that was irritating?
My mom was talking to my dad about the car i'm getting (it's a clasic) and she says(cuz my dad says that while i have my permit that i sould edrive old junkie cars) that she doesn't want me to drive an old truck cuz she doesn't want me to attract poor hicks. CAN YOU BELIVE THAT!!!!! I thouoght it was HILARIOUS! so ill be driving my nova. Chevy Nova that is. '65. Classic car. I've been talking to an old friend(that lives in texas, mind you.) and he wanted to get together with me. I was open to the idea, but my dad wants hime to spontaniously combust on a far away uncolinized planets in another galixly! so that is not happening either. i got a cool new journal (it's interactive) at books-a-million. It's called Wreck This Journal. It's great. on every page theres a different way to ruine it. like rub dirt on this page and spill coffe on this page and stuff like that theres one that says teare this page out. lose the page. except the loss. i like that one. there's another that says give away your favorite page and a sell this page and a hide this page in your nabours yard. theres one page that tells you to find a way to FREEZE the page! i'm so excited about it! i've decited to keep another journal about my experiance ruining the other journal. :) i was on google earth yesterday, and i found the park in England that I went to on my mission trip! i was so excited! i tried to find the house i lived in in romania, but i couldn't get it to stree view! made me so sad. ill try again later. i triend on the app even, but it wouldn't work. it makes me thing that there hasent been one of thouse picture cars down that street. ok, well i have to go now. class is over in 20 minuets and idont watn to be rushed.
SO email me back about your exciting life! i know our playing soccor again and that its going to be spring soon so youll be visteting the mountains im sure!!!!! and OF COURSE! about your boy life! lol. ILL talk to you later!.
Forever LOVE!
Emily. :)
Nope. This is a window into someone else's world.
My friend Jamie occasionally gets emails from strangers who think she's someone else.
This is the latest.
Two things of note:
1. Hooked on Phonics does not work for everybody
2. Nobody this brilliant should be behind the wheel of a '65 Nova
Enjoy!!!
HEY! We haven't talked in such a long time! I miss you! are you still doing your audition for the X-Factor? Cuz its in like may and thats not that far away! OMG if you are im so excited for you! So, I was talking to this boy but he got a girlfriend! can you believe that!! I was like: wtf! I would have been happier if he was gay! lol. so life has been really crazy lately! i decided not to graduate early, and then i was llike, mom should just home school m e. but mom doesn't want to and i dont want to come to school! also im not taking any pre ap or ap classes next year. im just gonna focus as much time as i can on Art. i'm doing a project to get in to pre ap art. Im excited about it, but at the same time im kinda scared. like what if im not good enough? any way. im taking drivers ed! OMG! YAY! the only sad part is it's over in a week and theres this super cute kid who sits infront of me. but like, when am i ever going to see him again? its not like hell want to talk to me in the hallway. :( So whatever again. in speech we did this thing were you write the persons name by the thing that describes them best based off of nonverbal communication. one girl put my name under Frequently Infatuated. -.- i guess shes wright. I mean, how many boys have i talked about in one email? two so far! and im not done, yet.
there's another boy that is in speech (ok theres two, but one's a junior, so that's obviously never going to happen) And he is like drooling on me EVERY DAY! would you believe me if i told you that was irritating?
My mom was talking to my dad about the car i'm getting (it's a clasic) and she says(cuz my dad says that while i have my permit that i sould edrive old junkie cars) that she doesn't want me to drive an old truck cuz she doesn't want me to attract poor hicks. CAN YOU BELIVE THAT!!!!! I thouoght it was HILARIOUS! so ill be driving my nova. Chevy Nova that is. '65. Classic car. I've been talking to an old friend(that lives in texas, mind you.) and he wanted to get together with me. I was open to the idea, but my dad wants hime to spontaniously combust on a far away uncolinized planets in another galixly! so that is not happening either. i got a cool new journal (it's interactive) at books-a-million. It's called Wreck This Journal. It's great. on every page theres a different way to ruine it. like rub dirt on this page and spill coffe on this page and stuff like that theres one that says teare this page out. lose the page. except the loss. i like that one. there's another that says give away your favorite page and a sell this page and a hide this page in your nabours yard. theres one page that tells you to find a way to FREEZE the page! i'm so excited about it! i've decited to keep another journal about my experiance ruining the other journal. :) i was on google earth yesterday, and i found the park in England that I went to on my mission trip! i was so excited! i tried to find the house i lived in in romania, but i couldn't get it to stree view! made me so sad. ill try again later. i triend on the app even, but it wouldn't work. it makes me thing that there hasent been one of thouse picture cars down that street. ok, well i have to go now. class is over in 20 minuets and idont watn to be rushed.
SO email me back about your exciting life! i know our playing soccor again and that its going to be spring soon so youll be visteting the mountains im sure!!!!! and OF COURSE! about your boy life! lol. ILL talk to you later!.
Forever LOVE!
Emily. :)
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Severe weather in Oklahoma
I love that Oklahomans have created the Gary England Drinking Game. Because it makes perfect sense that, during potentially life-threatening weather events, you'd want to be drunk.
Gary England is a meteorological legend in Oklahoma. You see his smiling face on TV during every storm.
A lot.
Looking at the rules of this game, you'd be hammered ten minutes into a storm.
YEEEEEHAW! It's a twister, y'all!
Gary England is a meteorological legend in Oklahoma. You see his smiling face on TV during every storm.
A lot.
Looking at the rules of this game, you'd be hammered ten minutes into a storm.
YEEEEEHAW! It's a twister, y'all!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Emergency Ramen Noodles
I have some in my desk in the event that I forget to bring my lunch and/or can't get out for lunch. Lucky, lucky, lucky for me, that happens more and more often.
Which means more folks laugh at me as I heat up my Ramen in the kitchen.
But one coworker made me feel so much better about my college-throwback habit.
He told me that he used to eat Ramen DRY. No water. No heating it up. Just dry, crunchy noodles.
Suddenly, I'm feeling rather cosmopolitan! Hot water! Spice packet!
Take THAT, Martha Stewart!
Which means more folks laugh at me as I heat up my Ramen in the kitchen.
But one coworker made me feel so much better about my college-throwback habit.
He told me that he used to eat Ramen DRY. No water. No heating it up. Just dry, crunchy noodles.
Suddenly, I'm feeling rather cosmopolitan! Hot water! Spice packet!
Take THAT, Martha Stewart!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Monday, April 15, 2013
Time to rebrand
I was watching TV last weekend and saw the commercial for Acorn Stairlifts again and again. They likely stuck with me because I realize that one of those would never work in my home (my staircase turns three times).
The commercial goes on and on about how a tumble down the stairs could be deadly to a senior citizen and the best fall is no fall at all (I don't know that they put it as poetically as I do, but that's the gist).
Why, then, is the company named Acorn, something that, BY ITS VERY NATURE, FALLS OUT OF A DAMN TREE?!
That's why we don't have Knocked-Up Condoms, Break-Down Auto Parts, No-Signal Wireless.
I could go on. You know I could.
But I think I've made my point.
The commercial goes on and on about how a tumble down the stairs could be deadly to a senior citizen and the best fall is no fall at all (I don't know that they put it as poetically as I do, but that's the gist).
Why, then, is the company named Acorn, something that, BY ITS VERY NATURE, FALLS OUT OF A DAMN TREE?!
That's why we don't have Knocked-Up Condoms, Break-Down Auto Parts, No-Signal Wireless.
I could go on. You know I could.
But I think I've made my point.
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