Charlie Sheen's guardian angel, maybe?

Went to a craft show with mom. She likes them, there ARE handmade items, and the goods and folks are funny (whether they mean to be or not).

Take these "guardian angels" for example. Look at how THRILLED they are to follow you around and keep you out of harm's way!

"i care about you, mostly. i am thrilled to keep you from harm, i guess."

Look at how HAPPY these blessings are!

"blessings to you. nothing gives me more joy than bringing blessings to you, i guess."

Look at the POWER OF BELIEF!!

"i am contractually obligated to believe. i totally believe."

I think we've found a new holiday spokesman for electric shavers and/or razor blades! 

SHAVE THE MAGIC!!!

If you're looking for a festive, yet classy, holiday scent for your home, look no further than this!!!

Three words that don't really go together: Butt, Nekkid, and SOY.

And then, sigh. There's this little piece of WTF.

No. Fucking. Words.

I'm so amazed by the end of my emotional deterioration my unforgivable garagedoor sin.

www.what-would-i-say.com

Go to there.

This website scans all of your facebook statuses (stati?) and mashes them up into complete gibberish that's so much more fun than anything you ever wrote in the first place.

I had a field day with this.

Here are some of my favorites.

• I've got a porcupine for purple corduroy pants.
• It's a bottle of bacon.
• My faith in humanity is bigger than she is.
• Why do they always put her own Pokemon balloon to the eyes of the newly rebuilt Big Tex.
• I can't see real damn pants!
• Night of bleeding one breakup per day is home to one of working on my faith in humanity is Hipster Uber creepy.
• My faith in the big bottle of Eddie Vedder.
• Sunset in your pants, shapeless tunics, and everything had to.
• I can't get anywhere near advertising.
• BTW, Kyle, If *I* was the return of Bald, Barefoot Britney Spears broke off to take a picture.
• Northface jacket, mini cupcakes and make them to ask for NICOLE and the cat settled for a woman in the crosshairs, it's GAME today, I really big sign today Sexy Women who among us has never gets all the day.
• Made me feel a DONUT ornament. Is the government is watching my shit about why the lights up, and she's thrilled to wear a watermelon catapult… that began the crazy life who needs dinner when someone asks how long way in construction traffic and seeing this looker.

So there!

I encountered evil on Sunday evening

And it came in the form of cheddar-flavor cheese product alternative.

[shudder]

Bottoms up!

On Sunday, I went to lunch with my grandma and my folks.

Grandma, as I've chronicled many times before in this blog, has a very stringent list of acceptable (to her) restaurants.
McDonald's
Black Eyed Pea
The Olive Garden
Country Buffet
And her favorite Chinese restaurant

Do. Not. Deviate. From. The. List. 

Grandma has gone to this nondescript suburban strip-mall Chinese restaurant for YEARS. And it's fine, as long as you don't order the seafood.

What I love about this place is the drink menu. It's four pages long, and none of the drinks have descriptions. You just have to pick a name and run with it.

I'm not an alcohol novice, but I've never seen a lot of these. Some sound downright gross (Brandy Milk Punch, anyone?).

Here, we have the entire Collins family well represented. Along with the uber-yummy sounding Bloody Bill, Broken Leg, and Brown Velvet.

On this page, you can get a Hooker and a Fast Screw for a mere $5.50 each (penicillin not included).

I also wonder who Freddy Fudpucker and Kim are. 

Not feeling rushed? You can also order a Slow Screw. Or a Slow Poke, if you like. And here, the Rob Roys are SWWEET and you can slam a White Lady at the bar.

I've hidden the name and face to protect the innocent...

But, folks, please think before you type. Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease. :)

Disturbing thought

A kitchen full of stainless steel sous chefs. Thanks, KitchenAid. 

Something awesome you'll find in the kitchen? My friend Amy found this while she cooked with her three-year-old. :)

Strange bedfellows

Also, I love the creepiness of the ice cream cake shaped like a dead turkey. 

Yum!!

Because I'm nine

I was the tiniest bit disappointed when yesterday's Google Doodle didn't spell BOOBS.

This is my new favorite email attachment

It covers a multitude of situations and gets the point across quite nicely.
:)

I am the sinister stranger who is buried alive after trying to save the day

I know Halloween was yesterday, but I don't care.

I love this.

Thus, you must love it too.

I have spoken.