Mmmmmmm...

Banana Walnut French Toast...

Made With Real TEXAX Toast!

Things I bought at Target but didn't need Vol. 1

Springy, plastic, bright yellow watch. $12.

Adorable. I wear it everywhere. Did I need it? No.

Purple and pink striped monkey with Velcro paws. $2.50.

Looks adorable posed on my calculator. Necessary? No.

The brush-off

On Friday night, Beau and I went for burgers and beer at a tavern in my neighborhood. We walked in and were immediately accosted by raffle-ticket selling Band Moms. Yep, they were holding a high school band fundraiser at a bar.

Um, ok.

The only seats we could find were at the bar (not my favorite spot to sit, but it'll do when you have no other choice).

To my right was Beau. To my left was a dude in a NASCAR jacket who'd likely been sitting on that bar stool for the bulk of the day.

And, lucky me, he was friendly.

[whistle]

*Tap tap tap* on my shoulder. Howareyoudointonight? 

Fine, thanks. (I turned back around.)

*Tap tap tap* Whatareyoudrinkin?

Hefeweizen. (I turned back around.)

BUDWIZEN? Ibuyyouone?

[In the meantime, Beau is irritated, but I keep telling him that it's not worth a scene. I've had the boyfriend who makes a drunken scene. One of the reasons I love Beau is because he isn't like that.]

*Tap tap tap* Wannaplaysomepool?

Beau hit his breaking point. So he stepped in and said Sorry, Dude, she can't. We're Mormon. She's not allowed.

AND (even though it made zero sense) IT WORKED!!!

McEaster update

With my semi-conservative guess of four, I won the bet.

Victory was as tasty as a Reeses peanut butter egg.

Instead of cash, I took my winnings in the form of a 2-lb bag of Craisins and a fuzzy Easter bunny.

Life is goooood.

Beau thought he was especially funny on Saturday

Via Text:

Me: Saw Scream 4. Lots of people died.

Beau: Screen 4?
Me: Scream 4. 

Beau: Saw 4?

Me: Scream 4.

Beau: Screen Door?

Me: Yes. Paid to see a screen door.

Beau: Why?

Me: I SAW SCREAM 4.

Thanks, Easter Bunny!

McEaster

My Grandma is a fiercely loyal McDonald's customer.

She goes every day. For Christmas/birthdays, I buy her McDonald's gift cards because I know they're the one thing she'll love/use (and because, as I learned last Christmas, Grandmas do not wear fuzzy socks, so let's just forget it!).

My mother has actually uttered the following phrase: Mother, we were NEVER going to consider going to McDonald's for Christmas dinner, and that's the end of it.

And every time we go out to dinner... ANYWHERE (even if we have a holiday meal at home), we hear about how it just doesn't compare to McDonald's.

It gets to be a little grating after awhile.

So I've devised a plan to make Easter dinner more bearable. We're placing bets.

Everyone throws $5 in the pot and estimates how many times she'll mention McD's during the course of the day. Whomever guesses closest wins the big enchilada (which they also do not serve at McD's--just ask Grandma).

I'm playin' to win.

Jesus will just have to understand.

I got my Spirograph!!

How cool are these?

Lose weight, fight aging, or pack heat; it's your choice

I subscribe to a couple of groupon and groupon-like Web sites.

One in particular seems to be making some judgments about my life. LivingSocial sends me deals on teeth-whitening, gym memberships, botox, workout gear, etc.

Yes, I am a woman in her (sigh) late-ish 30s, but ENOUGH. I've taken care of my skin. My teeth are fine. I could stand to lose a couple of pounds, but fuck it. I like cheese.

After awhile, it gets to be a bit much. I have interests OTHER than tightening my ass or fighting a one-woman war against Father Time. 

Today, I got something altogether different.

Yep, LivingSocial has determined that since I'm too lazy to get off of my couch and improve myself in any way, I might as well protect myself against the trolls I most likely encounter in my ugly, toothless, underworld existence.

Might be time to unsubscribe.

Sheesh, doesn't anybody offer restaurant or bookstore deals anymore?

Makes me laugh every time