Today's uncomfortable conclusion

Pepe Le Pew was a sex offender.

Think about it for a minute and you'll realize I'm right.

Women are gross, but...

Men are worse.

This week, a little sign appeared on the door leading out of the ladies room:

WASH YOUR HANDS!

Which leads to the inevitable thought that someone is NOT doing so and this passive-aggressive little reminder is designed to shame them (I'm not above shaming--my Facebook friends can testify to that).

These are the same folks who handle the doorknobs, pens, faucets, and coffee cups that I do.

[shudder]

But at least we're not men.

Because something WORSE is going on in the men's room.

I've heard (proud to announce that I'm not an eyewitness--there's a photo floating around somewhere, but I decided that was a mental image I could live quite comfortably without) that someone in the men's room on this floor picks his nose and leaves boogers on the wall.

What kind of depraved mind does that???

This is supposedly an office full of educated adults.

Somewhere in our midst is an overgrown third-grader.

Where'd I put that damn hand sanitizer???

I'm losing all hope for the human race.

Another reason I left Oklahoma

Shit like this happens a lot more often than you'd think.

(A Facebook status update from a friend in Owasso, Oklahoma.)

They might not have meant

Party of one, but that's what they get for failing to be specific.

A typical Friday morning

While I sit at my desk, my phone rings.

I pick it up.

Beau: Whatcha doing?

Me: Oh, just sitting around, doing some editing. 

B: Do you have a calculator on your desk? 

M: Yup.

B: I need you to add these numbers for me.

[He lists them off, and I give him the total.]

M: Is that all you needed?

B: Yeah, I'll have to call you later. I'm working.

M: Ok, bye.

I put the phone down and my cube mate asked Didn't he just call you from his iPhone?

He did. 

But he needed you to add those numbers? 

It would have taken much more time and frustration to explain where the calculator is on his phone [he's a technotard] and that he could do it himself than it took me to add the numbers.

We smile, chuckle, and go back to work.

In love, we pick our battles. :) 

 

How, exactly....

Does one get "dragged into" a gay sex phone scandal???

I'm so curious, and yet not curious enough to buy the paper or scan the article.

I need someone to educate me on this one.

Kitchen decor

Walking to the mailbox last night, I saw into one of my neighbor's kitchens (I'm not a peeping zickle, but if you leave your drapes open and the lights on when I walk by, I'm lookin').

She has a HUUUUUUUGE print of da Vinci's The Last Supper on the wall in her kitchen.

Full disclosure, my kitchen decor consists of weird photographs of little tiny deer hanging out in lollipop forests and climbing cupcake-frosting mountains, leaving me little room to judge here, but doesn't The Last Supper seem a bit... heavy for the kitchen? You walk in for a turkey sammich and there's Jesus and his Apostles, having one last meal before they nail him to the cross.

Might make me feel guilty enough to put the turkey sammich back.... and grab a glass of wine instead. 

Heeeey. Maybe there's a method to her madness!

I don't know. Am I wrong about this whole thing?

Another really satisfying noise

I heard it this morning on NPR while they were replaying part of the inauguration speech: gloved applause.

It's such a satisfying noise. Much better than naked-hand applause. You can hear the civility (or the bone-chilling cold).

Also awesome is THIS. (If you love Michelle Obama or don't like John Boehner, you MUST click.)

Oh, Olive Garden

Seasonal Favorites?

Gag me.

When will chain restaurants understand that booze doesn't have to taste like melted ice cream and have the caloric equivalent of four Big Macs?

I got a Target Red Card

As a money-saving effort.

You get 5% off every purchase (and their stuff is usually cheaper than other stores anyway). Because there's a Target within walking distance from the office and I do most of my grocery shopping there, I decided it was a good "financial experiment" that I'd take on for a year. 

I promised myself that I'd pay it off every month (because groceries on a credit card is just too sad).

The first bill was... sobering, folks.

SO-BER-ING.

I cannot believe I hand that much money to Target each month.

I'll be spending the next couple of weeks in the Ramen aisle.