Troubling

I just got a call from a writer in an agency in New York.

He had a to, two, too question.

Hmmmmm. 

Two questions:

1. He makes his living as a writer and he doesn't know that?
2. NOBODY AROUND HIM at the agency knew it either???

I have no faith in the literacy of humanity.

Occupational hazard

Once you've established yourself as an editor, you get lots of fun little side projects from friends and coworkers.

It's a nice break from the monosyllabic world of advertising.

Until... one of them writes a love scene.

It's especially weird if it's someone you don't know well. Because it makes you wonder if they're referencing their own... uh... technique.

And then you finish reading the scene and really HOPE they're not referencing their own technique. 

Shudder.

Another thing about zombies

Ever notice that zombies immediately have greenish black teeth, even if they had perfect teeth as a human just moments before?

I mentioned this to Beau, and he said "If you're not whitening them, you're yellowing them."

Sigh.

Good point.

(And my least favorite ad campaign right now)

I understand that the book is titled Killing Lincoln

But it seems like they could have found better verbiage for the back.

My vote for most annoying ring tone

It's gotta be the damn cricket noise.

When you have a cricket in your house, you tear rooms apart looking for it. Crazy with rage! Anything to make it stop!

So why do you PURPOSELY set your phone to make that same noise that drives you (and ME) batshit?

Grrrrr.

The gospel according to Kim Kardashian

Apparently, all it takes is public fornicating, fame-whoring, and a 72-day sham marriage!

Sh•t just got real

I tried to be nice and funny with my adorable little shitflags, and they didn't take heed.

Now the HOA is on the case, and (despite the fact that--if this note is to be believed--they apparently think the DOG should do the picking up) those bitches don't mess around.

(No, I'm not calling; I've never actually seen a Shit In Progress--that dog is a ninja shitter--and I hate to be of help to the HOA. Plus, this is a farce. They know who does it. They know it's a HIM.)

Dad invents a bizarre new comeback

Dad had a colonoscopy yesterday afternoon. He didn't get to eat anything for almost 48 hours.

So he was VERY excited to plan a large meal afterward.

This is the exchange we had.

 

PLOP. 

I'm using it. 

In everyday conversation. 

All the time. 

From now on.

PLOP. 

Responsibility

Is apparently very subjective.

PLEASE SUCK DOWN YOUR $1 IRISH WHISKEY JELLO SHOTS RESPONSIBLY!!

But what I really need to know is...

Where am I supposed to plug in for audio?