Next time you wonder why some kids these days are so damn rude...

Remember the adage that you are what you eat. :)

This is classy, classy stuff from the Rite Aid candy aisle.

Try nude! Go on, try it!

On Sunday, Beau and I ran an errand that took us to Boulder. We took 93, the prettier, less death-defying route.

On our way back, a billboard caught my attention.

It had a cute naked baby on it with the message:

MOUNTAIN AIR RANCH

VISIT COLORADO'S FAMILY

NUDIST COMMUNITY

JUST MINUTES FROM DENVER

And then it gave the adorable URL: TryNude.com.

This is not safe for work. But if you're on your phone like I was, it's absolutely worth perusing the site.

ESPECIALLY the brochure: http://www.trynude.com/pdf/mtnairbrochuer3.pdf

Five words: Naked Bocce Ball. Naked Volleyball. 

I laughed until I cried. 

You will be entertained.  

(And yes, I KNOW it's a totally legitimate way to live your life. But whatever. I'm nine, and I think it's funny.) 

Heyyyyyyyy! I think I just found the perfect doorstep for this! 

 

Something I learned about hotdogs over the weekend

You have to grassfeed some of them.

Expires on Halloween. Interesting coincidence, no?

Revulsion is the new attraction

I love the beauty department at Target. My lipgloss collection would lead you to believe I'm a freak with seven sets of lips on my face instead of the one set I have. 

But I'm seeing some weird shit lately.

I'm thinking I'll just stick to my boring old beauty regimen. 

_______________________________________________

This looks like she's trying to hide two black eyes. 

Or she's taken on a role of a hooker/stripper. 

The 80s called. They said you could keep this look.

Then I saw this. Fuzzy nail polish. That doesn't sound too good.

Fuzzy nail polish?

But who am I to argue? Perhaps it's much more attractive on than it looks.

Please scroll down for THAT result.

 

 

Looks rather... FUNGAL, doncha think?

Another stupid thing that makes me happy

I bought these thought-cloud sticky notes in the dollar bin at Target (yet another thing I didn't need, but whatever).

 

I wasn't sure what I was going to do with them until I realized how amazing they look against my desktop wallpaper when I need to remind myself of something.

 

Also, I'm excited and happy that I bought cheese. 

Small pleasures. 

"Natural aphrodisiac"

Looking for probiotics in the drug store has become an adventure (because, I'm learning, they don't really have a probiotics section).

So, in my effort to maintain good digestive flora, I ran across some VERY interesting products.

And just for YOU, dear reader, I was That Woman taking photos in the aphrodisiac aisle.

These were just too good to resist.

For those who think celibacy is a weekday-only situation, I give you the
ROCK-HARD WEEKEND.
You also get a BONUS (BONER?) pill to make it a looooong, hard weekend.

WHAT, I ask you, is that goo coming out of the end of one of those big pills?

I like the way they got RECT in the name. Smoooooth.

My favorite product by far. Call it like it is!

BOO!

This morning's juvenile chuckle

Driving down Federal Blvd. and seeing that some clever(ish) delinquent had changed the local nursery sign from

EYE-POPPING PEONIES!

to

EYE-POPPING PENIS!

Told you it was juvenile.

Someone please intervene...

If you ever see me walking the streets of Denver like this. 

If this is on the front porch...

I'm not knocking on the door.

Bear hugs are one thing. 

Bare hugs? [shudder]

Thinking about lying about your age?

Here's a pointer.

Don't pick a number so low that people wonder what the hell you did to yourself to look so broken down so early in life.

I'd much rather someone thought I was a pretty nice-lookin' 39 than a burnt-down 27. 

Am I alone in this?

A few years ago, my brother, whom, granted, I don't really interact with much anyway, friended me on Facebook.

Brother, previously five years my senior, was now miraculously five years my junior.

So, of course, I typed the following on his page:

Hi! How are you suddenly younger than I am? How did you graduate high school in '88 when you were ten years old?

That resulted in a quick unfriend.

My honesty is not always appreciated.

Anyway. Just thought I'd advise any prospective liars out there.

I'm here to help!