Because "doorstop" sounds too erudite...

I give you the STOPPY™!

Sigh. 

Action Pants!

This is, by far, the funniest thing I've seen lately.

(And, truth be told, Action Pants would make a pretty bad-ass nickname.)

THE COMBINATION OF THE ACTION ZONE, THE DOG WHO'S STARING
AT THE ACTION ZONE, AND THE PHRASE "SNACK SACK" ARE
PURE GOLD.

Something that will just never, ever ring my bell

Men in flip-flops.

I know that's a double standard because I, myself, wear flip-flops a lot.

But I also take care of my feet. And I have my toenails painted. And I don't show my feet until they're showable.

Man feet are a mixed bag. Most of the time, they're not... good.

Am I alone in this?

"Practice"

I saw these at Sally Beauty Supply.

So many jokes. So. Many. Jokes.  So many horrible, awful, filthy jokes.

What's the point

of using the term Salt and Pepper Hair?

Pepper is black and white.

Why isn't it just Pepper Hair?

Noodle on that!

Creepasaurus Rex!

There is a person with whom I have to interact pretty much daily (not a coworker).

He's weird around women. Not weird as in awkward. Weird as in something really is not right with him. It's a gee-I-hope-he-has-no-idea-where-I-live kind of weirdness.  

Once, he told me that working with a certain group of women was like "dealing with strippers" because "strippers take advantage of you."

[And, really, isn't that just commerce? She'll gyrate for/on you if you pay her enough money to do so. There's no gray area there.]

And when a woman told him that she recently lost $800 in Vegas, he responded with "You were in Vegas. You should have just worked it off."

[shudder]

But this is the kicker. In a discussion with two acquaintances of mine (one male, one female), he mentioned the fact that he used to work in women's fashion. Not a big deal. But, after awhile, he came out with this gem: "You know, when you think really hard about it, dealing with women and their clothing is a lot like being a gynecologist."

What. The. FUCKINGFUCKDOESTHATEVENFUCKINGMEAN?

One of these days, they're going to find mummified women and cats in his basement.

Here's to not being one of them.

Cheers!

The zombie apocalypse is here, you just haven't noticed

It's here.

It's just not what you think a zombie apocalypse should look like.

When I see people adopt stupidity as a lifestyle, I see it.

When women affect that creepy baby voice (Where every sentence ends with the upward inflection of a question? Even when it's not a question? In every conversation?), I see it.

Honey Boo-Boo? I see it.

Kardashian anything? I see it.

Because what is zombification, really, other than a brain dying? Granted, in zombie movies, it happens quickly, but the brain dies and the body still moves around. 

Brains are dying. Slowly. Bodies are still moving around.

Arm yourself with a book and an NPR broadcast or two.

It's coming for you.

Reminder

Be kinder to folks than you feel on any given day.

Chances are, they're going through their own struggles, and your small kindness might be the one thing that makes a tough day easier.

Let the ripples you make in life good ones and they will come back to you.

That was my small public service announcement.

I'll go back to being catty and bitchy tomorrow. :)

TLC programming

As I flipped through the channels last night (instead of doing laundry), I ran across an interesting entry.

The "Learning Channel" strikes again.

I posted this pic on Facebook, and one of my friends insisted that it was really quite an interesting show. So I watched.

I lasted five minutes. Those are five minutes of my life I'll never get back. Once this poor fella explained his... um... toilet practices, I was out.

They filmed him in his entirety and merely pixelated the footage of his gigantic scrotum. But you knew what you were looking at. When he goes out in public, he... uh... dresses it up by zipping a hoodie around it.

It's a tragic circumstance, and, supposedly, the show was about the removal of said ginormous scrotal sac. But it was more leering than that. It was too sad to watch.

Duff, of course, had a very pragmatic response to this: "132 pounds? I think I might have made a trip to the doctor at four pounds." 

TLC has become a sad, sad channel. I saw that EXTREME COUGAR WIVES was an offering last week (did not tune in; not even for five minutes).

We get creepier and creepier as a nation each year.

Target is all about balance

I'm sure that one hothouse tomato will completely counteract any ill effects from the microwavable bacon.