Do yourself a favor this Thanksgiving weekend

It takes effort, but it's so worth it.

Make this your facebook status for one day:

If you like this status, I will say something nice to you. 

And then, do it. For every single person. 

Sure, it takes time and thought, but, trust me on this one, it's so worth it.

It reminds you that there's good in everyone and that everybody needs a pat on the back.

You will feel so much lighter.

And it's better than standing in line at the ass-crack of dawn to trample others in an effort to buy cheap crap that nobody really needs. 

Do it. You won't be sorry. I promise.

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! I am thankful for you!!

Thanks to comcast...

After I spend time loathing myself for my hideous wrinkles, I can relieve my anxiety and depression.

I'm no homesteader, but...

I'm pretty sure they didn't have frozen veggies, instant taters, and Cheez Whiz out there on the prairie. :)

My maturity at its finest

I was browsing the app store a week or two ago and found a game called Plague Inc. It's a weird game where you ARE the virus/disease/plague/etc.

The goal is to be virulent enough to take over/destroy the world.

But here's the best part. You get to name the virus/disease/plague/etc.

I find it most enjoyable to name it after ex-boyfriends who break up via email, someone who was nasty to me in the office, or a filibustering Republican congressman.

Because it's fun to get game updates that say Ted Cruz has given India diarrhea or that the whole world is now focused on a cure for Ted Cruz.

Yup, I'm all growns up!

Wrap your mind around this

I'm on a party-planning committee at work. The person in charge of the food said that the restaurant we'll be at could make the deviled eggs vegetarian by leaving off the caviar garnish.

So... chicken eggs are vegetarian, but fish eggs are not?

Because a lot of vegetarians will occasionally eat fish, but they don't casually eat chicken. 

So why are chicken embryos acceptable and fish embryos unacceptable?

Boggles mah mind. 

Thought about egg salad for lunch

But, apparently, that would call for formal wear.

This might be my favorite breaking news story ever

God bless you, CNN.

Toronto's City Council voted to strip embattled Mayor Rob Ford of most of his powers after a tumultuous meeting in which Ford also apparently accidentally knocked down a council member during a break.

Ford said in a weekend interview with CNN's Bill Weir that he would have admitted to smoking crack cocaine long before he did if someone had asked him the right question. He repeated his insistence that he would remain in office and let voters decide his fate next year.

This has got to be my favorite news story of the year.

May The Force be with you, Rob Ford.

It's smurf-colored

And named after shoe leather.

Yum. 

Maybe we can top it off with some of this appetizing stuff. 

I've found the perfect way to wear skinny jeans

Buy them three sizes too big and cinch them at the waist.

Voila!

I know that this, technically, defeats the purpose of skinny jeans, but screw it. These look GREAT on me!

Charlie Sheen's guardian angel, maybe?

Went to a craft show with mom. She likes them, there ARE handmade items, and the goods and folks are funny (whether they mean to be or not).

Take these "guardian angels" for example. Look at how THRILLED they are to follow you around and keep you out of harm's way!

"i care about you, mostly. i am thrilled to keep you from harm, i guess."

Look at how HAPPY these blessings are!

"blessings to you. nothing gives me more joy than bringing blessings to you, i guess."

Look at the POWER OF BELIEF!!

"i am contractually obligated to believe. i totally believe."

I think we've found a new holiday spokesman for electric shavers and/or razor blades! 

SHAVE THE MAGIC!!!

If you're looking for a festive, yet classy, holiday scent for your home, look no further than this!!!

Three words that don't really go together: Butt, Nekkid, and SOY.

And then, sigh. There's this little piece of WTF.

No. Fucking. Words.