This is how

My neighbor's 20-year-old son moves out of the house.

No need to scour the city for boxes; just pick up a bunch of Hefty Bags at the store! :)

TOTAL body workout

I recently bought a piece of exercise equipment (a little stair-stepper) from amazon.com.

So, of course, they think I need a lot MORE exercise equipment now.

This was, by far, the most interesting suggestion.

Notice that this and 6 FULLY ASSEMBLED KEGEL EXERCISE WEIGHTS are frequently bought together. I clicked that link and can't even begin to figure out how they work. And, frankly, being on the page creeped me out a little.

Even funnier, there were some sponsored ads on the page...

For SADDLES!

I think I'll stick with my stair-stepper, amazon. But thanks for your concern about total-body... uh... tightness.

On the subject of shoes...

Here's something else I'll never understand (consider this a companion piece to the sad-ass pink camo shoes from yesterday).

Women who bring their fellas shoe-shopping with them.

These are the most miserable-looking sad sacks you'll ever encounter.

They don't care if you choose the peachy plaid Sperry Top-Siders or the white ones.

They don't care how high the heel is.

I'm pretty sure they don't enjoy holding your purse either.

Who does this???

WHY???

In these...

The only thing you're hiding from is good taste. 

Name the flattest state

Wrong!

It's Florida.

Now name the most mountainous state.

WRONG!

It's West Virginia.

That's all I've got today.

Want to get someone in the mood...

For diabetes?

Fire this baby up!

You know it's a good cupcake

If you wolf it down without taking a picture of it first. (And it was gorgeous. And delicious.)

Also discovered, a new name for fat pants that's much more charming:

COOKIE PANTS!

COOKIEPANTS!COOKIEPANTS!COOKIEPANTS!COOKIEPANTS!COOKIEPANTS!COOKIEPANTS!

This gif is me on any given weekday

As Sting famously sang, that's my soul up there.

Because being a grownup is overrated

I will continue to be amused by things like this.

WHO NAMED THIS PRODUCT??

Justin must be one busy fella. :)

Being your own landlord sucks sometimes

Nine years and three months ago, I put in a water heater with a nine-year warranty.

Two days ago, I was in Sears to buy another one after discovering a huge puddle that covered my kitchen floor and soaked half of my living room carpet (how can they build something to break right on time like that??? Amazing and infuriating).

After waiting 25 minutes for a salesman to free himself up, Rusty approached and asked me how he could help.

My water heater blew today. I need a new one.

Blew up? It didn't blow up. They don't do that. 

Well, no, it didn't blow UP. It blew OUT, I guess. At any rate, my house is flooded, I have no hot water, and I need a new water heater. 

And then he proceeded to sell me a new nine-year water heater (the 12-year won't fit in my closet).

Later on, after a couple of beers, I reflected back on my first few words with Rusty.

If my house blew UP earlier in the day, why would I be so calm about it?

And why would buying a new water heater be my first priority?

Rusty's selling water heaters in a vacuum.

I, on the other hand, am looking forward to taking a hot shower that I didn't have to drive across the neighborhood for.

It's the little things.