Behold the power of marketing

My folks put their car in the shop for a few days and rented a new car in the meantime.

Mom called me and told me she didn't think she'd like the car, but she does.

What kind is it? I asked.

It's one of those hamster cars! she exclaimed.

https://youtu.be/VutSJIKsixc

Cleverish word play

Introducing the Refreshit bidet.

Registered trademark of Squatty Potty, LLC. 

Nonsense things people say or do that inspire immediate distrust*

• Driving a bright yellow Hummer (actually, any color).
• "I don't like music." 
• "I hate chocolate." 
• Carrying a dog in a purse. 
• "I don't eat cake." 
• "I'm really interested in hearing Sarah Palin's platform."
• Backing into every parking place. EVERY parking place.
• Peeing Calvin stickers. 
• Confederate flags. On any part of your person or anything you own.
• Being gluten-free for no good reason. 
• "I don't eat cheese."
• Eating gristle/fat.
• Public shirtlessness. 
• No pets in the house (excluding, of course, an extended grieving period following the death of a beloved pet).
• Being a morning person. 
• Wearing so much hair product that I see the product before I see the hair. 
• Shorts in the snow.
• "Do you know how bad that is for you?" (regarding any food item)
• Pushing a healthy pet in a stroller in public. 
• Doing anything ironically. 
• Misusing quotation marks. 
• Concurrently wearing a parka and flip-flops.

*This is not a scientific--or even particularly serious--list. So if you're offended, lighten the fuck up. 

I have to make a confession

I don't care about your special diet.

I care about YOU, and I certainly don't want you to eat the thing that makes you sick/fat/hate life/whatever.

And if I were to cook for you, I'd certainly never serve you diet-offending items.

But I don't want to hear about it.

I don't want to hear about what happens if you eat the offending food.

I don't want to hear what your doctor thinks about it.

I don't want to hear the horror stories.

I don't want to hear your opinions on my own diet.

It's a diet. It's not a personality trait. Or, at least, it SHOULDN'T be a personality trait.

Someone explain to me...

The allure of The Butt Cake.

There are baby-butt cakes and bunny-butt cakes. And probably other butt cakes (but I was too scared to do a google image search).

Betty Crocker shows you how to make your very own holiday butt cake right here: bettycrocker.com/recipes/bunny-butt-cake

Baby-butt cakes are usually limited to baby showers.

Here's my question.

What is appetizing about eating a cake shaped like a butt? Eating a baby--ANY PART of a baby--is just creepy anyway. Right?

RIGHT???

I love that they thought the Mohawks would make them look tough

And they looked like Alfalfa in the shot. :D

I stop reading your profile when...

I read the phrase

"I'm kind of an enlightened caveman."

Because kind of negates enlightened. And all I'm left with is caveman.

Today's reassuring thought

According to pretty much anybody I've ever talked to, EVERY family has a crazy, mean, fucked-up uncle.

Not just mine.

Somehow, that's a relief.

Today's pointless rage

Reading this book will make you rageful enough. But the REAL kicker is when you open the book and realize that the three parts of the book are NOT IN THE SAME ORDER as the title.

The pressures of being good

Being a good daughter to parents living and dead and being a good granddaughter and doing all of the right things.

That pressure is nearly insurmountable.

I hate feeling like I'm disappointing someone. Living or dead.

sigh.