For the duration of my recent long-term relationship, I had an uneasy feeling in the back of my mind. I even voiced it a few times to VERY few people: "I don't think I'm too high on _______'s list of priorities. In fact, I'm not sure I even make the list." Of course, we'd laugh this off and move on, but I still never quite felt comfortable with the thought.
Later on, after the lying and the cheating and the breakup, I found out why the thought made me so uncomfortable.
The ex and I were making an effort to be friends, and he sent me a picture of a list he'd made years ago (when we were together--and had been for a few years) for his life regarding getting back on track. It was an action plan that detailed what was important, what his assets were, and the things for which he was most thankful.
At first, I didn't give it much thought. Yep, good for you. Figure out what's important and make a new life for yourself, I thought.
Then I took a closer look.
I wasn't on the list.
His friends were on the list.
His pets were on the list.
His CAR was on the list.
I wasn't on the list (neither was his family, but I digress).
And, while I was irritated and completely flummoxed (why would he send me that list if I wasn't on it? Because it never occurred to him that I SHOULD be on it), it was a huge moment of clarity for me.
Folks, if you feel like you're not on someone's list, it's highly likely that you're not.
And rather than trying to make it onto their list, put yourself high enough on your own list to move on.
It's my new relationship rule. Make it yours too.
Trust me on this one. ;)
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