It's funny/sad because it's 100% true

This is a true story about a former coworker who shall remain nameless (and who has traveled much further down the road of ignominy since, so I have no qualms about sharing this little vignette).

About seven years ago, I had a bad breakup. I was a wreck. In hindsight, why I was so upset about that guy (and why, of all things, I took him back months later for yet another miserable year) is a mystery to me. But I digress. For weeks, I was sniffly and sad at work, mooning around as though my life had ended.

In swoops The Coworker. He'd always been friendly and we'd gone to the same college (everyone from my alma mater is very proud to have gone there--it's an instant bond). He seemed harmless, so when he asked me to lunch, I accepted.

Sigh.

At lunch, I sat there mute while he told me allllll about himself. The motorcycle crash that led to a brain injury. Multiple brushes with the law. How his cop father never really accepted him, which led to a momentary bout of homelessness. Everything a girl wants to hear from the guy who still has to drive her back to the office.

In the car on the way back, he told me he had to stop for gas. As we pulled into the filling station, he told me that he knew about my breakup and that he was "a great rebound guy." And THEN, he uttered the line that would go down in the annals of history as one of the all-time-worst things to say to a woman. The thing he would NEVER live down. The phrase that would spawn disbelief and jokes. Hell, people even had bumper stickers made: 

"And no-strings sex might make you feel pretty."

I. Shit. You. Not.