Stink like the stars

I went to Ulta the other night after work for one unapologetic, girly hour of sniffing perfume and testing nail polish.

I attempted to find a nice perfume that didn't make me smell whorish (without luck). Oh well.

As I sniffed around the perfume aisles, I noticed how many "celebrity" scents there are out there. (I also delighted in noting that Jessica Simpson's fragrance line is named FANCY.) Are there that many folks out there who want to smell like Faith Hill?

I didn't sniff any of those bottles, but my mean-spirited imagination ran wild with thoughts of what they should smell like.

• Britney Spears: Bare feet, Starbucks, paparazzi
• The Kardashian sisters: Black hair dye, sibling rivalry, overexposure (give me credit; this one could have been sooooo much worse)
• Lindsay Lohan: Cocaine, Antabuse, and poor parenting
• Mariah Carey: Overtaxed Spandex, glitter, and topnotes only dogs can smell (get it? get it?)
• Jessica Simpson: Chicken of the Sea, the NFL, chicken-fried chicken
• Paris Hilton: Penicillin, anti-fungals, old money

(PS: Ed Hardy perfume actually does smell like douchebaggery)