Living in Colorado, I've gotten used to a great deal of weather-related silliness. We get thunder snow. We had a rainbow during a snowstorm once. A 20-degree day followed by a 70-degree day. Snow in June. Folks with $5,000 skis mounted on top of $500 cars. Folks who'll get up at 4:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning to hit the slopes but can't make it to work by 9:00 a.m. on weekdays. Infants in winter sportswear worth more than anything I have in my closet. Men in big-ass pickup trucks who can't understand why they're sliding all over the place while my little Honda chugs along and leaves them in the dust. People who dress their dogs in coats and shoes. The list goes on. But there is one winter anomaly that is so stupid that it deserves my ridicule (and yours).
I'm talking about Shorts in the Snow Guy.
Really, dude? Does your blood run
that hot? Why is it that you need a parka, but not pants? If I can wear pants during the summer when it's 90 degrees outside, why can't you wear pants when it's 20 degrees? We don't stare at you because we're in awe of your great testosterone levels; we stare because you look like an idiot with your little blue goose-pimply legs poking out from under your Eddie Bauer goose-down.
And, just in case you're wondering, no woman
ever thinks that's a sexy look (that goes double for the guy I saw in Rite Aid who was in a coat, shorts, loafers, and KNEE-HIGH SOCKS who was--oh, I bow to you, great and mighty god of irony--in the heating-pad aisle).
So the next time you look out the window in the morning and see the ground covered in white, remember that that's snow. Snow is cold. Cold temperatures are what brought on that snow. So do yourself and everyone else a favor. Put on some pants.
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