*Sigh* None for Me, Thanks

It looks like my Twinkie free-for-all is over. I have to break up my hot threesome with Ben and Jerry. My 80:20 crap to veggies ratio is a thing of the past. Come Cookie Season, the Girl Scouts are gonna have to find a new sucka.

Turns out my triglycerides are too high (which, I'm sure, will shock those of you who read my ode to candy conversation hearts awhile back).

And, because that's a problem in the family history, I guess I should pay attention.

I did some research on the diet that helps lower triglycerides naturally. This is how it shakes out:

• No fried foods. (Ok, that's not really a problem. I don't eat much fried food as it is.)
• No fatty meats. (Eh, I don't eat a lot of meat either.)
• No full-sugar sodas or fruit juices. (I start my day with a Diet Pepsi, so no biggie there.)
• No white breads, rice, or pasta. (Wait. Does that include pizza? What about shrimp lo mein? Whimper... whimper.)
• No cookies, cakes, pies, and especially no donuts. (But...)
• No candy or chips. (You're killing me, here.)

And then I got the worst of the news:

• Limit alcohol intake to a maximum of one drink per day. (WHAT??? Nooooooo! It can't be true. Wine is GOOD for you. GOOD, I say! Why must bad things happen to good people? Why, God? WHY???)

So, after I came in off of the ledge, I started getting rid of the foods I shouldn't have and started buying foods I should. It's not all bad; a lot of the foods I'm supposed to like are foods I actually do like quite a bit. But at the end of a long day at work, it's just not as easy to relax after a glass or two of chickpeas. When my birthday rolls around, I don't want to see a candle stuck in a brown rice cake. When I go to the ballgame, I want a beer and a hotdog, not a sparkling water with a side of whole-wheat cous cous.

But I'm adjusting. It's not as hard as I thought it would be; when you have an actual reason to pass something up, it feels a bit better. But I still cheat a litle bit. A girl can't be good all the time.

The new regimen has changed a lot of things. The house has good cooking smell and there's more of a healthy atmosphere; even my appliances are relaxing a bit. My dryer has suddenly stopped shrinking my pants!!