Quakes on a plane

Keeping in mind that I live in Denver and am very used to bumpy descents and landings (the wind coming off of the Rockies creates turbulence), I found the following situation funny.

Beau and I were on an early flight, so many of the passengers were dozing. On the descent, things got a little bumpy. All dozing passengers woke up to one little girl screeching:

WE'RE GOING DOWN!!

It's not funny, but it's funny.

(And it's not like she was lying; we were on the descent.)

:)

I hadn't been to the library in awhile

But I went over the weekend. Apparently, they teach you how to shave there now. In full view of everyone.

I shit you not.

Netflix suggestions

Sometimes I worry that Netflix is subtly trying to point out disturbing elements of my personality.

Tortured-Genius Dramas?

What gives, Netflix?

Busted

I recently spent a significant amount of time with one of Beau's buddies.

This particular buddy knows everything and, consequently, feels sorry for the rest of us because (in his mind) we know nothing.

I tried to be a good sport about this for a very long time (because I loathe it when someone assumes I'm not very smart). But he caught me rolling my eyes at Beau after one insult too many to my intelligence.

We were sitting around watching TV. We settled on Seabiscuit.

It's set in the 20s.

And when, in the movie, a newspaper headline appears on the screen with the word CRASH! in the largest possible typeface, I hear a stage whisper:


THAT SIGNIFIES THE GREAT DEPRESSION!!!

Really?

REALLY???

For those of you who know me, I'll assure you that the guy is still alive with all of his limbs intact.

But it was a close one.

Really. Fucking. Close.

Ever wonder what herpes smells like?

I'll give you a hint...

Mom wants to let herself into my house

How will she know which ones are the keys to my front door?

Hiatus

I'm taking a break for a few weeks. I want to rediscover what it's like to live life offline. :)

See y'all in awhile.

My reign of terror

We get pretty busy in my department (we're outnumbered; on any given day, it's about four of Us to about 596 of Them). We try to stay on top of things and it can get a little stressful.

But we try to stay upbeat and friendly about it all.

Or so I thought.

I was working on a project when someone approached my desk and whispered They're all too terrified to ask you if that job is done yet.

Terrified? I asked.

Yes. I don't know why, but they are, so they sent me to ask. 

Who?

All of them.

Well, I guess you should tell them it's not done yet. 

Wow. I had no idea I struck such terror into the hearts of coworkers. I certainly don't try to be scary.

It stung a bit.

And then I chuckled and got over it.

Like all truly terrifying women do. :)

Another creepy thing I don't understand

Women who grow their toenails rather long (in my opinion) to achieve the french pedicure.

Keep that shit short, ladies!

Today's S&M safety tip

Brought to you by the dude driving the green Toyota in front of me this morning. Let's be careful out there.

"OUCH" IS NOT A SAFEWORD.

Tiny rant

Why is there so much technology out there that limits toilet-paper consumption?

The bathroom nearest my office has the most impossible toilet-paper dispenser. It's an operation that requires two hands. One to make the enormous ONE-PLY roll move at all and the other to (gently! gently!) hold onto the end of the paper and pull it without tearing it.

Most of the time, you get two or three squares, max.

Are toilet-paper thieves that much of a scourge on society? Are folks JUST THAT DESPERATE to get their mitts on a spare-tire sized roll of one-ply (I repeat: One. Ply.) toilet paper? In an office of "professionals"??? ARE THEY?  

It's the little things like this that slowly but surely drive me utterly fucking insane.

Stylish knits!

My grandma gave me one of her old knitting/crochet manuals last week. I'm a nerd, so I'm into stuff like that.

It's a helpful book; I taught myself to crochet in about 30 minutes over the weekend (Beau pretended to be very impressed).

The book was produced in 1979, which makes the full-color photos all the more fabulous. 

I feel like a wizard in my magical stripes and scarf! I can't wait to wear this to the RUSH show!

Well helloooooooo, ladies!

Welcome to Stepford, little Susie.

This should put all doubt out of your minds, kids; grandma does indeed hate you.

Shag ain't just for the flo no mo!

Now you don't HAVE TO tell folks you're on mood stabilizers. Wear this, and, somehow, they'll just know.

On a bad day, some perspective is necessary

And it's been pretty crummy. And I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

But then I read this and I realize I need to shut up and be thankful.

And I am.