Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Legal mumbo-jumbo

I'm sure most of you don't read a lot of small print. Why would you? I do, but I get paid to do it.

One of my favorite parts about reading contest rules is the list of things that could make the contest null and void due to events beyond control, including but not limited to:
  • fire (sorry, your entry burned in the company bonfire)
  • flood (and then it got drowned when the bonfire set off the sprinklers)
  • epidemic (and then we got food poisoning because Willard left the potato salad in the sun AGAIN)
  • earthquake (your entry fell on the floor when we had an earthquake--we can't possibly pick it up now; it's all dirty)
  • explosion (if your entry explodes, you're fucked)
  • labor dispute (until we get another week of paid vacation, you're not getting your beer-can-shaped grill)
  • strike (until we get adequate smoke breaks, you're not getting your autographed beer-can-shaped surfboard)
  • act of God or public enemy (It was preordained that you would not win this contest. Also, I'm not sure God appreciates being looped in with Public Enemy--but whatever. Fight the power)
  • satellite or equipment failure (an asteroid took out our satellite. No autographed beer-can-shaped hoverboard for you)
  • riot or civil disturbance (the entire city does not want you to win an autographed beer-can-shaped spaceship. They got really upset. Rioted. Set cars on fire. Your entry was lost)
  • war--declared or undeclared (there's an undeclared war out there somewhere. We're pretty sure your entry got taken down by friendly fire)
  • terrorist threat or activity (turns out, there's a terrorist cell dedicated solely to keeping you from winning a beer-can-shaped Hummer. Sorry. Your entry was confiscated by the CIA)

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