Next time you wonder why some kids these days are so damn rude...

Remember the adage that you are what you eat. :)

This is classy, classy stuff from the Rite Aid candy aisle.

Try nude! Go on, try it!

On Sunday, Beau and I ran an errand that took us to Boulder. We took 93, the prettier, less death-defying route.

On our way back, a billboard caught my attention.

It had a cute naked baby on it with the message:

MOUNTAIN AIR RANCH

VISIT COLORADO'S FAMILY

NUDIST COMMUNITY

JUST MINUTES FROM DENVER

And then it gave the adorable URL: TryNude.com.

This is not safe for work. But if you're on your phone like I was, it's absolutely worth perusing the site.

ESPECIALLY the brochure: http://www.trynude.com/pdf/mtnairbrochuer3.pdf

Five words: Naked Bocce Ball. Naked Volleyball. 

I laughed until I cried. 

You will be entertained.  

(And yes, I KNOW it's a totally legitimate way to live your life. But whatever. I'm nine, and I think it's funny.) 

Heyyyyyyyy! I think I just found the perfect doorstep for this! 

 

Something I learned about hotdogs over the weekend

You have to grassfeed some of them.

Expires on Halloween. Interesting coincidence, no?

Revulsion is the new attraction

I love the beauty department at Target. My lipgloss collection would lead you to believe I'm a freak with seven sets of lips on my face instead of the one set I have. 

But I'm seeing some weird shit lately.

I'm thinking I'll just stick to my boring old beauty regimen. 

_______________________________________________

This looks like she's trying to hide two black eyes. 

Or she's taken on a role of a hooker/stripper. 

The 80s called. They said you could keep this look.

Then I saw this. Fuzzy nail polish. That doesn't sound too good.

Fuzzy nail polish?

But who am I to argue? Perhaps it's much more attractive on than it looks.

Please scroll down for THAT result.

 

 

Looks rather... FUNGAL, doncha think?

Another stupid thing that makes me happy

I bought these thought-cloud sticky notes in the dollar bin at Target (yet another thing I didn't need, but whatever).

 

I wasn't sure what I was going to do with them until I realized how amazing they look against my desktop wallpaper when I need to remind myself of something.

 

Also, I'm excited and happy that I bought cheese. 

Small pleasures. 

"Natural aphrodisiac"

Looking for probiotics in the drug store has become an adventure (because, I'm learning, they don't really have a probiotics section).

So, in my effort to maintain good digestive flora, I ran across some VERY interesting products.

And just for YOU, dear reader, I was That Woman taking photos in the aphrodisiac aisle.

These were just too good to resist.

For those who think celibacy is a weekday-only situation, I give you the
ROCK-HARD WEEKEND.
You also get a BONUS (BONER?) pill to make it a looooong, hard weekend.

WHAT, I ask you, is that goo coming out of the end of one of those big pills?

I like the way they got RECT in the name. Smoooooth.

My favorite product by far. Call it like it is!

BOO!

This morning's juvenile chuckle

Driving down Federal Blvd. and seeing that some clever(ish) delinquent had changed the local nursery sign from

EYE-POPPING PEONIES!

to

EYE-POPPING PENIS!

Told you it was juvenile.

Someone please intervene...

If you ever see me walking the streets of Denver like this. 

If this is on the front porch...

I'm not knocking on the door.

Bear hugs are one thing. 

Bare hugs? [shudder]

Thinking about lying about your age?

Here's a pointer.

Don't pick a number so low that people wonder what the hell you did to yourself to look so broken down so early in life.

I'd much rather someone thought I was a pretty nice-lookin' 39 than a burnt-down 27. 

Am I alone in this?

A few years ago, my brother, whom, granted, I don't really interact with much anyway, friended me on Facebook.

Brother, previously five years my senior, was now miraculously five years my junior.

So, of course, I typed the following on his page:

Hi! How are you suddenly younger than I am? How did you graduate high school in '88 when you were ten years old?

That resulted in a quick unfriend.

My honesty is not always appreciated.

Anyway. Just thought I'd advise any prospective liars out there.

I'm here to help!

Looks like Grandma will never visit Bolivia

What's the point if they close every McDonald's in the country?

I shit you not.

Read all about it here.

Also, Mom and I watched her make a popsicle last for AN HOUR on Sunday. We've discussed it numerous times and we still have no idea how she did it.

What an amazing, yet useless, talent!

So Beau is in Mexico

And, other than the usual WHY AREN'T YOU WITH HIM/ARE YOU GUYS OKAY??? questions, everything has gone smoothly.

We even had one of our trademark nonsensical text convos. I'm sure he's missed those.

Sure, it's not an HR mandate...

But I always thought wearing a bra to work was just a good idea.

I mean, as it is, there are plenty of EyesUpHereMister moments WITH the appropriate undergarments.

It's a bold choice. A bold, BOLD choice.

Distraction[s].

Perhaps THAT's the way to take over the world and I've been doing it wrong all along.

Eh, probably not.

My Mad Men prediction

Poor little Sally Draper goes on a rampage a-la Patty Hearst in retribution for all of the shit her parents have put her through.

Honestly. She got the worst. parents. ever.

Dear LifeStyles...

I think you might want to revisit your product-naming policies.

Because, and I think I speak for a number of women here, faster is not always better.

Is this a bad sign?

I hide in the bathroom sometimes.

I mean, I go to get business done and then I just linger in the stall for a few blissful, silent moments.

It's the only quiet moment I get all day long.

I come back to my desk, and the phone rings, folks are lined up with questions, the in box dings every three minutes, and I feel scattered.

But it's so quiet in the Ladies Room. So, so quiet.

My coworkers must think I have a spastic colon. 

I can live with that.

The winner of this week's tasteless product is...

The Charleston Candy Company, for their University of South Carolina confection, The GAMECOCK SUCKER.

Keep it classy, Charleston Candy Co. Keep it classy.

You know it's a rough/busy day at work when...

You sit in an open environment, you puke in the trash can at your desk, and nobody notices.

(Not that I WANTED anybody to notice; I'm happy nobody did. It's just weird that nobody did.)

WELCOME TO DENVER COMICON!!

Beau had a booth at the second annual Denver Comicon over the weekend and I went to help out (and to people-watch--it's like Halloween in June without the candy). Before you start to judge and say that I'm exploiting these folks, let me put your mind at ease. Anybody in costume WANTED to be photographed. I promise. And there are photos I could have run that I'm not running . Plus, we were in public, and the law is on my side on this one. :)

These folks were waiting outside the convention center. Presumably, they had a
babysitter for their incredibles kids. The purse and the cell phone really make this photo.

I love it when I see a love connection between an alien and the dead.

And between a superhero (?) and a robot.

I spent a lot of time saying "I love your costume!"
I spent a lot of time wanting to ask "What are you?"
But, in here, that question is waaaaaay too nerdy.

While I'm normally a huge proponent of wearing underpants, these panty lines
are really distracting. Then again, maybe that's her superpower!

This photo marks the first time I my life I yelled "Hey, Ninja Turtle!"
and someone actually turned around.

Same goes with yelling "Hey, Wolverine!"

She made her own wings. They were gorgeous.

Her little robot dragon moved and chirped on her shoulder.

Sometimes the looks on the faces of bystanders were just as entertaining.

Subsists on brains, but can still work a camera! Very impressive!

All the while, Beau toiled away, drawing caricatures.

Don't know what he is, but he spent a lot of money.

Loved the feathers. She had feather eyelashes too.
And she was really nice.

Though she looks like she might whip you to death, she was very nice too.

Hump Bot. Again, I have no idea. But I like the costume.

Love the automatic poses folks gave me when I pointed my phone at them.

Introducing the latest book I won't be reading.

There were so many iterations of this costume (many of them slutty).
I thought I'd post the best one. It lights up!

The first (and last) photo I've ever taken of a stranger in
a public restroom.

This was so creepy that I could barely stand his gaze for
the time it took to shoot this photo. (Also, the guy in the
plaid shirt behind him was a total perv. Took photos
of scantily clad underaged girls all day.)

Oddly enough, Beau knows this guy. His masks are amazing. Creepy, but amazing.

FOUND HIM!

Barbie and Ken. Adorably creepy.

I'm mellllllllting!

My Adventure Time on the train ride home.

Oh, yes. I saved the BEST for last. There are no words.
(Though my mom had three: NOBODY ARRESTED THEM???)