I love working in trade

Especially when the trade is that I get an original piece of art for my editing services.

I asked this fella if I got to choose from existing art or if I should give him two words and let him run amok with them.

He told me to give him two words.

So I gave him the best two words ever:

DONUT MONSTER.


I cannot wait for the result!!

When you hit the up button one too many times on the remote

You run into some awesome titles.

GO TEAM!

If you have to tattoo it on your body...

A lot of photo retouching goes on in this office. Sometimes for stupid reasons, sometimes for valid reasons.

This is one of those valid reasons.

There was a shirtless guy in a photo, and they wanted his chest tattoo removed in post production.

The tattoo said Sorry I Was A Prick

You read that right.

Inked right on. Forever. Fair-skinned guy, too. That shit's not fading. Ever.

I've tried to wrap my mind around this but, unless he lost a bet, I can't.

That said, if I was ever in a disrobing situation with Mr. SorryIWasAPrick, I'd be re-robing pretty damned quick after I saw that.

Read your labels, folks! Read your labels.

People still do this

Why the fuck do people still do this?

AGAIN, WTF, Facebook???

From yesterday's MAKE HIM LOVE YOU post to this:

Also, having herpes is like wearing multicolored lipstick? 

WTF, Facebook?

I know I changed my status to single awhile back, but I don't think I'm quite this desperate.

I don't understand the sexy here

Is the boyfriend sexy? Are you the sexy one? Isn't that a lot of pressure on one slouchy pair of overpriced jeans?

So many questions. 

Personal victory, months in the making

I realized this week that I've been walking around with a smile on my face and that I'm generally content.

And I haven't felt this way in a long, long time.

It's a Good Friday, indeed.

Best dollar I've spent in a long, long time

It's DOUGHBOT, the app that finds all available donuts within walking distance of where you are at any given moment.

Where have you been all my life??

It gives you a list, but there's SO MUCH MORE.

It gives you a map of donuts in your area.

It provides Yelp reviews and contact info.

It maps out your walking distance.

And it's adorable and pink and I am hap-hap-happy that I now have all of this information at my fingertips.

And you can rarely buy a little happiness for a dollar these days.

Weedy chuckle

At a beer and pickle event on Sunday, I met some new folks.

One was a vocal weed proponent (there's no need for the loudness now, but old habits die hard). He told me he'd had his medical card for years.

I asked him if it was for "glaucoma" (which has been a running joke in Denver).

And his response amused me:

"No, it's not for glaucoma. I don't have glaucoma. Do you want to know why? Because I've been pretreating since I was 14 years old."

:)

Seems a little edgy

For Hobby Lobby, doncha think?

They also cater to foot fetishists now. 

This is the kind of thing I find on the floor here in the office

What do you find at your office?

Very funny, Denver

Looks like a glorious week! 

Screw you, Sunday. 

Dampener

I had to look up a word for possible trademarks on the government trademark database.

The word was HYDRAGEL.

The product I was looking for wasn't there, but I did find this.

And the mind reels on so many levels.

A moment of sweetness

Yesterday, I got a call from one of our Executive VPs asking me to proofread an email before he sent it. I told him to send it on over.

When I got around to opening it up, my heart smiled a little bit.

It was a letter to the shoeshine company at Denver International Airport. He travels a lot, and when he goes to DIA, he stops for a shoeshine.

Last time he was there, he discovered that one of his favorite shoeshine men wasn't there anymore.

The email was an unsolicited attempt to get that man's job back because he had brightened so many days of weary travel for so many.

It was a gesture of kindness that I really needed to see yesterday. 

Walk into a public restroom, see this, and...

Walk out again as fast as you can.

Because, quite obviously, some sort of crime (biological or otherwise) just went down in there. 

Just a little note regarding The Silent Treatment

It's only effective when the other party is bothered by your silence.

You're welcome.

Snicker, snicker

Thirteen years ago, I worked at a dot.com (how very early 2000s, no?). My defunct stock options are a framed, chuckleworthy memento from that era.

At some point, the company hired a new president, who was Indian (his name was Purvish, which was totally perfect, because he got nailed for sexual harassment during his tenure there. As it turns out, most women don't want to hear "I just watched 9 1/2 Weeks. I'd like to re-create some of those scenes with you" from the creepy new president).

Why do I point out his ethnicity? Because he had a very thick accent, that's why. 

And he lived to give pep talks.

My favorite one had an oft-repeated refrain:

We must not be a jack of all trades! 

Only, with the accent, it was WE MUST NOT BE A JACK OFF ALL TRADES!

So hard not to get the church giggles during that one.

Hell, given what I know now, maybe he wasn't mispronouncing anything after all.

*Sigh*

Overheard:

I don't know why he thinks he can't do it. I mean, I'M A WOMAN and even I can do it. 

Quite a credit to the gender.

Another one of society's grand mysteries

The Conoco across the street from another Conoco.

It's not a tumor

On Saturday, the back of my head was achy on the right side.

Mom noticed me rubbing it a lot at the cactus show at the Denver Botanic Gardens (nerdy? yes--but being 40 gives me plenty of license not to give a shit).

She asked how long it had been hurting, and I said mostly just that day.

She tilted her head and said Did you smack your head against something yesterday and forget about it?

No, Mom. I know I'm clumsy by nature, but I think I'd remember if I hit my head yesterday. Sheesh. I'm not that pathetic. 

Then I thought about it for a minute and realized that, shit, yes I DID smack my head on something yesterday and yes I DID forget about it.

Which means I absolutely am that pathetic.

Sigh.