They say there are no stupid questions...

In my job, I read a LOT of Consumer/Frequently Asked Questions.

Because, when they're learning about new products, people apparently lose all common sense.

I won't quote any of the ones I've read at my desk (I have this thing about keeping my job). But I've gathered a little collection of others from random, unnamed (by me) products on Amazon.com.

My observations follow in italics. 

Body lotion: What is the expiry date?
--Good question. Because there will be ONE expiry date for alllllll of the lotion EVER made/sold. 
How long does it take to go through the entire bottle?
--Another good question. Because every person uses lotion at the same rate of speed (and for the same purpose).

One tube of mascara:
This comes with 5 mascaras? 
--No, you stupid fuck. It's one mascara.
Which is the blackest one? Carbon or Blackest Black? 
--I might go for the one with BLACKEST in the name. 

Facial moisturizer: 
Can this be used after shower?
--No, as with all products, you should put it on right BEFORE you shower.
Which should you use first? The face wash or the moisturizer? 
--Washing seems to be a new concept for some folks. 
Can a man use it? 
--No. This product will turn men right into women.
I'm 26 and have no wrinkles. Is it ok to use this? 
--Oh shut the fuck up.

Permanent markers:
Will they work on black paper?
--They'll work, but you won't be able to tell, genius. 
Do they work on clothing that will be washed?
--You have clothing that you don't wash??
Are they dried out? 
--They're new markers. You get to dry them out on your own!
If I write on walls with this? Would it erase with a wet towel? 
--No. They are PERMANENT MARKERS. 

Trash bags: 
What does 200 count mean? 200 bags? 
--This is so stupid, I cannot even formulate a response.
Why are people buying these?
--What???

Pray for our future.