Number of police-brutality protests on First Friday: 1
Number of "Fabric Acrobatics" shows witnessed on First Friday: 2
Number of girls on First Friday who forgot to wear pants out of the house: 5 (that I saw; I'm sure there were hoards--whoreds?--more)
Most ridiculous thing uttered by a pretentious hipster douchebag on First Friday: Everyone I know is totally obsessed with vodka right now.
Number of items purchased at McDonalds: 3 (One gift card for Mother's Day for you-know-who, one small order of fries, one diet soda)
Number of donuts consumed over the weekend: 2
Number of girls at the donut shop in PJ pants: 1
Number of items purchased at Dollar Tree: 13
Items for purchase at Dollar Tree that I had no desire to purchase:
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| Go braless the classy way! |
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| My colon's worth more than a dollar. |
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| Whaddaya know? You CAN bottle machismo! |
Number of Highlands Ranch teens dressed like hookers at church on Mother's Day: 3 (that I saw)
Number of innocent bystanders blinded by my pasty white legs in a dress: incalculable (sorry, folks)
Number of nightmares about my iTunes playlist: 1
Number of times Grandma mentioned McDonalds on Mother's Day: 7+ (No bets were placed)
Maximum capacity of Grandma's favorite McDonalds: 100 (Grandma loves to educate)
We had a bet about McDonald's, but it looks like you won.
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