Newbie nicknames

In this office, there are so many new faces that it's nearly impossible to keep up. I find myself giving these folks nicknames (in my head, of course, never out loud) instead of actually learning their names (which is lazy on my part, I'll admit).

So, as they parade by my desk on any given day, these are the names that go through my head:

• Girl who cut her hair (but shouldn't have)
• Girl who never smiles
• Girl who never washes her hands in the bathroom, yet is a maniacal toothbrusher
• Guy who couldn't possibly be old enough to work here
• Girl who might be pregnant, but who also might have just had a burrito
• Guy who wore a tie on his first day
• Guy who drives the wrong way in the parking garage during peak hours
• Snotty intern
• Deer-in-the headlights girl
• Guy who looks like The Dude
• Guy with the jingly pants
• Girl who wears stripper perfume

I'll never remember their actual names.