Take off, hosers

I despise my HOA (if you don't know what an HOA is, count this among your blessings).

I typically don't read the newsletters they send out because it's usually a bunch of angry tirades followed by Come to the Neighborhood BBQ! Fun for all! 

Um, no thanks. You've slapped my hand enough times that I don't think I could properly hold one of your grilled delicacies now, you asshats. 

You can tell who they are by the clipboards. They walk around the neighborhood with clipboards, carefully scrutinizing each house. If they don't like your front door, they mark it down. If they don't like your window fan, they mark it down. If they don't like the flower basket you have on your front steps, they mark it down.

And when they're done with the demerit patrol, they send out petty little notices demanding that you right the wrong or pay a penalty and risk having the indiscretion go down on your permanent record. And they don't sign their names either (they're smart enough in that respect); they sign off as The Architectural Committee.

Sigh.

This is what I spied in the latest newsletter before I crumpled it up and threw it out:

With the cold winter temperatures, we hope you've all disconnected your hoses. However, because it is winter, hoses should not be out. Hoses out in winter make our development look trashy. If you'd like to keep your hose, please store it in your garage. 

That's right. They're threatening to steal our hoses.*

Really?

WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? HAVE THEY NOTHING BETTER TO DO WITH THEIR TIME?

*Luckily, my unsightly wintertime hose is behind my fence. I've avoided the clipboard mafia wrath... this time.